Tonight NASA will attempt to land on Mars using the Phoenix Mars Lander to explore the red planet’s arctic plains. Only 5 out of 11 attempts to land a spacecraft on the surface of Mars have ever succeeded. Not great odds.

When will NASA figure it out? The reason they have so much trouble sending unmanned crafts to Mars is because of the invisible Martians! I mean, duh.

Martians obviously exist on a different visual wavelength than us, which prevents us from seeing them in the thousands of pictures taken of Mars. But that doesn’t mean they’re not there. How else do you explain the countless problems we’ve had getting to Mars?

The fact that we’ve been able to land there at all is proof of a developed society. No doubt a more welcoming government body was in power during the Mars Global Surveyor‘s 10-year mission. But then, almost 10 years to the day, we lost contact with the MGS. One can only assume that a less-tolerant regime is now in control, and I suspect they won’t allow yet another strange hunk of metal to invade their lands.

And so, I send out this warning to NASA and all other space explorers. Leave Mars alone. Every attempt is only angering them more.

Do you really think we stand a chance against an invisible alien army?

Watch the landing attempt live on NASA TV later today starting at 6:30 EDT/3:30 PDT. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.

End of day UPDATE: Good news – Phoenix landed safely and has already begun transmitting pictures full of invisible Martians.