Barbie at Comic-Con

Yesterday I spent the day at Comic-Con International in San Diego serving as Barbie’s professional photograher. I’ll let her walk us through these and provide captions. Take it away, Barbie!

Thanks, Corey! I’m sure a lot of you are wondering what a super-cute and cool chick like me was doing at “Nerd Vegas”. Normally I wouldn’t be caught dead there but that all changed this past weekend!

This is My Comic-Con Adventure!

It all started Friday night… I got back from shopping early and found Ken reading something weird. Like, gross weird.

That’s right, he was reading PORN! (And I think he was doing something with those big green fists, too.)

I couldn’t believe it! It must’ve been something he picked up when we split up. I mean, I know that was a real dark period for him but still, have some class.

He made some lame argument about it not being porn. “It’s a suspenseful sci-fi graphic novel called Girls by the Luna Brothers that examines gender roles and the battle of the sexes,” he said. I don’t know why he was talking like a press release, but whatever. All I see are lots and lots of boobies. Naked ones, at that!

Then he said that comic books and graphic novels are the next big thing. And that most of them don’t have naked boobies. Well you know how much I love the next big thing! So I asked, “Where can I find out more?”

Apparently there’s this big convention every year in San Diego called Comic-Con International. And it just so happened to be going on as we were talking. What a coincidence! Even though San Diego is like a million miles away from Malibu, I said I’d go. But this better not be a trick to get me into porn.

Here’s me in the big crowds of Comic-Con! I arrived Saturday morning super early. There were WAY too many people. More than I could count. Math is hard. Anyway, I had no idea there were so many perverts out there. And with weird fetishes like dressing up in weird costumes. I would NEVER dress up in so many strange outfits.

I walked around a bit and saw tables where they were selling movies. Hey, I like movies!

Uhm… this isn’t the right picture. That’s not even me, I was looking at the Disney movies!

Anyway, as you can see, more porn! How many of these does Ken have? I bet these “examine gender issues”, too. Oh, I was getting so mad! I had to talk to someone. And then I met a kindred spirit.

Flo Jalin was SO sweet! She made me feel much better! (And her outfit was super hot!) She told me that this wasn’t a porn convention or anything and that the convention was about real Hollywood movies and TV shows and video games and all sorts of stuff. She said I would feel better if I walked around and met some people. I was still a little nervous, so she had me loosen up by doing some quick modeling.

Isn’t this fun? I’m standing in for the girl on the cover of Five Color Comics #1 from The Art of Fiction. I don’t know what that weird symbol is at the end of his stick but it looks neat, doesn’t it?

The first real-life comics creator I met was Gris Grimly. His art is creepy but cute and lots of fun! I don’t think he believed that I liked it. He seemed kind of shy, but maybe these comic book people aren’t used to normal, good looking and popular girls liking what they do.

I next snuggled up to Rick Geary. He was a sweet man. He makes these fun postcards and also does these scary books about real-life murder mysteries that take place a million years in the past. Kind of creepy but he was super nice. I don’t think he would’ve murdered me at all!

Scott Shaw! (yes, he really has “the yelling period,” as I like to call it, at the end of his name) was really excited to see me! He was very welcoming and affectionate. He’s drawn like every cartoon ever since ever! He also does this really funny panel called Oddball Comics that I went to and it made me laugh tons! At one point when we were talking I thought he was going to lick my face or something but he said that he was just really thirsty. I thought that was kind of weird but I know he was really busy, so I guess it makes sense.

Scott being thirsty made me realize that I was really hungry! Normally I just ignore hunger, but all this walking around was working up my appetite. The food choice wasn’t the greatest. Fortunately I’m totally rich so the prices didn’t bother me.

Once we finished eating, I heard the most sexy music. This guy was playing saxophone right in the middle of the convention. Who knew? I just had to sit down and listen. It felt like he was playing right to me!

I was looking for toys for my little sister Kelly when I saw my old rivals packed away in a dusty box. I know this probably seems petty but it made me laugh!

I totally forgot I used to have a comic book! I guess people loved them because every table we asked, they said they didn’t have any. I’ll have to talk to my business manager and find out how much money we made on those.

Hey girls, we can make comics, too! Comics aren’t just for boys! Jill Thompson gave me some pointers on how to draw comics. She’s done tons of amazing stuff, like her own graphic novels Scary Godmother and Magic Trixie. And she said I had a knack for drawing comics!

Sitting at the same table was Brian Wood. He’s a super-talented writer. He pulls off the sexy bald thing pretty good. He wrote a comic called Local about this girl who keeps moving to different towns and taking on different jobs and identities. A part of me really relates to her. I thought all comics were naked boobies or muscle-men fighting or fantasy stuff. But the more I’m here, the more I see that comics can be about anything!

Next we met Becky Cloonan, another super-cute, super-cool and super-talented girl in comics. We became fast friends and she turned me on to a bunch of great stuff. She draws American Virgin, which I thought might be more porn, but she said it was about this minister trying to stay pure with all these temptations. I don’t know, it sounded really good and it made me think that maybe Ken wasn’t lying.

Just as things were starting to make sense, I was arrested! This Stormtrooper questioned me for what seemed like hours. I guess I gave him what he wanted because he finally left me alone.

I felt so happy I felt like dancing on someone’s hat.

Fortunately Ben Lichius was there to help me out. He writes The Black Coat, a dashing hero from the Revolutionary War. I don’t know what kind of hat that is, but it was fun grinding on it.

While I was talking to Terry Moore I wanted to show him what Jill Thompson taught me but I didn’t have a pen! I guess artists are really attached to their pens because I had to bug him for an hour to get him to lend me his! God, what happened to encouraging fellow artists? By the time I finally got the pen, I forgot what Jill taught me. So we talked about Terry’s comics. Strangers in Paradise is about two women who like each other. I mean they like like each other. I thought, “Oh great, here comes the naked boobies.” But the story was really good! I hate to say it, but I think the comic was dealing with gender roles. Maybe Ken really WAS reading his comic for the story.

I had to sit down and think. Everything was moving too fast. And then, boy did it!

I thought this giant Optimus Prime robot was going to kill me! But then, some shirtless firefighters saved me!

I thought they were being heroic, but then they started fighting over me!

Fortunately cartoonist Chris Giarrusso saved me and let me put my clothes back on behind his cute and funny graphic novel Mini-Marvels: Rock, Paper, Scissors.

After all of that excitement, I had to take a break at the G4 booth. The day was coming to an end, and I just needed a little power nap to make it home.

I guess I zonked because when I woke up, Christian Gossett, creator of the sci-fi adventure The Red Star had safely brought me to my car.

I learned a lot at Comic-Con. I learned that comic book people weren’t scary sex addicts. They weren’t porn pushers. They were talented and caring people with wonderful stories to tell.

I drove back to Ken and explained to him everything that happened. Then I read Girls and found out that it really WAS a suspenseful sci-fi graphic novel that examines gender roles and the battle of the sexes. I apologized for jumping to conclusions, and he apologized for not telling me about it sooner.

Then we had great make-up sex.

The End

[See the Flickr page for these pics.]

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10 comments

  1. Finally! Some Comi-Con coverage that makes sense! Everyone else I’ve read talked about how weird the attendees were, and totally missed the point of being there! Thanks, Barbie (and Ken) for this exclusive insider look at ComiCon08!! And thanks for not bringing up that it sounds too much like Commie-Con, which was an old bait-and-switch game grifters used to pull back in the McCarthy days. No, not Charlie.

  2. Thanks for the great coverage & awesome photos!! Boy, Barbie sure made the rounds at the Con. Those red stockings were probably pretty stanky by the end of the weekend.

  3. Chris, thank you, I’m glad you like our coverage. I will be sure to pass on your appreciation to Barbie and Ken. I didn’t know about the Commie-Con bit. I’ll be sure to not mention it for next year’s coverage.

    Tiina, thank you as well! Yes, Barbie had quite a day. I was worried her hair was going to get too messed up but it held up pretty good. Her red stockings, though, had to be torched. They were just too dangerous.

  4. Barbie, that kind of hat is called a “tricorner.” It was very popular during the Revolutionary War era, which was 1775-1781.

  5. Hi Michael, thank you for the info on the tricorner. I passed on the info to Barbie, but she insisted it should now be called a grinding hat. Thanks for reading!

    And thanks to Brian Cronin at Comics Should Be Good for linking to us!

  6. I don’t know about this Comic Con business but things have reached a pretty pass when Barbie starts wearing microminis and tarty boots, and dying her hair magenta. What kind of message does this send to our daughters and daughters-to-be? Barbie should have worn a nice, knee length black pencil skirt and a silk blouse (with sleeves), sensibly buttoned, to the Comedian Convention or whatever it’s called. She would have looked chic and made the proper impression. Young people today don’t seem to realize that first impressions last a lifetime, and that they’ll never find honest work in this economy if they look slovenly and disrespectful. And to anyone who might want to respond with hostility to this comment, YHBT. YHL. HAND. If you do not know what that means then why are you reading about Comedy Convening or whatever it’s called?

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